For it is in America that I still find myself; here in Nashville, living and loving to the best of my ability.

So why the quiet?  As the new First Family (as they like to call them here) went through their own transitional period I’ve found myself increasingly feeling adrift.   I left the UK at the end of August knowing only that I followed my heart, and that I needed a long break.  By the time I headed back to the UK for Christmas, I knew no more.

One of the main battles is coming to terms with that.  I have found myself not just devoid of not the schedule, income, and purpose that steady employment brings, but of the identity that comes with it.  I found myself unable to form the words to describe what I’m doing, and why, and completely without the desire to explain it.  ”I am here as a tourist.”  ”I am looking into visa options.”

I am lucky to be surrounded by friends who remind me, in my overwhelmed moments, that it’s not a surprise that I’m feeling adrift:  I just moved across an ocean to a whole lot of uncertain.  Bethany called it a Liminal Space.  I had to look it up.  Yup.  That’s me.

So as I watch President Obama taking his oath (and thought with a smile that Andrew Collins can come and visit now) and move from his liminal space into the new callings of his role, I find myself wearing my confusion lighter.  And the muse begins to trickle back.

… how, with only 20 houses on my new street, our number can be 2402?

MeMe Mosaic

Here’s the meme:
If you want to play too, type your answer to each of the questions below into a Flickr search. Using only the first page, choose your favorite image, then copy and paste each of the URL’s into the mosaic maker (3 columns, 4 rows) – I regularly use this one. If you decide to play, leave a comment so I can have a peek.

The questions:

1. What is your first name? (Jude)
2. What is your favorite food? (Thai Green Curry)
3. What high school did you attend? (Aylesbury)
4. What is your favorite color? (Orange)
5. Who is your celebrity crush? (Seth Green)
6. Favorite drink? (Elderflower Cordial)
7. Dream vacation? (A White Beach)
8. Favorite dessert? (Cheesecake)
9. What do you want to be when you grow up? (Writer)
10. What do you love most in life? (Love)
11. One word to describe you. (Vivacious)
12. Your Flickr name. (Jude Adam)

1. little wing, 2. Divine Thai Green Curry @ Merlin Beach Resort, 3. view from Mentmore, 4. Roma Colosseo – Rome, 5. Seth Green in Philly, 6. elderflower, 7. we need you!, 8. cheesecake for Lianna!, 9. one would., 10. Friends silhouetted, 11. Trondheim, 12. Jude

Created with fd’s Flickr Toys

Seriously.  They ALL ran out.

As Thomas said, it was like being back in the 1970s.  Queues needing a police marshal, arguments, fights… all CRAZY.  I had to stay at home for most of Friday afternoon as my ‘empty’ light was on and I couldn’t find a station that was safe enough to drive to!  J&T called to tell me of a place in East Nashville, David lent me a couple of gallons to get there… and I was fine, but the madness continued  across the weekend and into this week.

Even today I’d say around 50% of petrol station are still out – or rather they get a fresh supply, have a massive surge in customers, and then run out again!

The cause of the crisis?  NOTHING.  Yes, there had been one or two smaller station that were out of petrol for a day or two because of the disruption that hurricane Ike caused, but this was totally cause by panic.  It’s the same thing that causes folk around these parts to rush out to buy milk and bread when 1mm of snow is forecast.  A rumour started, some people got worried and started buying more petrol than they needed, a couple more station ran out, the local news picked up on it, and before we knew it… lines down the highway and people starting fist fights.  Incredible.

On the local paper’s website was this brilliant (and potty-mouthed) clip.  It’s very ‘in’, but anyone from Nashville will laugh till they puke.

I can’t embed it… but go here if you’re interested.

Last night, instead of returning to normality as I’d expected, my sleep was wonderfully disturbed throughout the night by eagerly-anticipated texts… from Texas.

First at midnight it was an IM; “Here we go!”.  At 3.30; “Annie’s in active labor.  everything looks good.  Could be an hour, could be 5, will keep you posted!” and finally, at around 5am “After about an hour of pushing, baby Jude was born just after 11.  She is gorgeous and pink and perfect.”

And so we welcome to the world my namesake.  Ladies and gentlemen, meet my darling Annie and Helen’s daughter; Jude.

Judith Marguerite, 4 hours old

She is beautiful. She is gorgeous and pink and perfect, as Greg said in the text. I know this because, due to the absolute wonders of modern technology, I was introduced to baby Jude via video chat when she was only 4 hours old.

The Fambly, 4 hours old

To see the fambly cuddled up in their bed - home births never seemed so wonderful! - and to watch Jude wriggle and cry and constantly move her hands like she was hatching some macaevelian plot was incredible.  To hear it all first hand, to be a part of the lull after the storm… well it was more than overwhelming.  It was huge.

And to the final, cherry-on-the-top, overwhleming and mindblowing piece.  Judith Marguerite is 35 years, 7 months and 2 days younger than me, but our names are the same.  (I am Judith Margaret, while Baby Jude has lucked out with the fancier, frenchier version of our middle name, thanks to Mommy Helen’s wonderful Grandma, and it makes it seem so much classier!)

To have such a precious and wonderful girl sharing my name is so far past overwhelming as to be in a whole new dictionary.  I am Uberwhelmed.  I am honoured.  I am still shedding the tears of joy that came over me in waves this morning as I saw this gift’s face, and she opened her eyes all but briefly.

Jude:  May you always know how deeply loved you are by your mothers, your extended family, and the army of people across the world who’ve been praying for you since before you were even conceived;  may you know the warm sun on your face and cool wind at your back; may you ever be true to your heart and never be afraid of your intellect; may you live in creativity and freedom all your days.  Welcome to your life.  I’m glad to be in it with you, and honoured to share our names.

Welcoming Tears from Big Jude

Thing is, that’s not exactly true.  I’m still as dramatically verbose on iChat, at work, and with my wee reviews as I ever was.  It just seems to be here, on my beloved blog, where inspiration fails me.

I click open Firefox and see my blue and yellow banner.  I see the date of the last post and feel that oh-so-familiar feeling of  gently nagging guilt. I hear in my head all the things that I can’t write about, and it’s then that instinct kicks in;  ignore it, move a way quickly, pretend you don’t see it, and it’ll go away faster.

So I click on Facebook, or Flickr, other peoples blogs… anywhere I can look to see if anyone else has words for me.  Bones to pick through.  A refreshing glass of water.

You see, it’s not that I don’t like words right now.  I always like words.  In fact I’m beginning to realise how desperately I need them all around me to inspire, encourage, reassure and amuse me.  I’ve always known they’re important, but now I realise they’re a complete necessity like oxygen, enabling me to breathe, to live, to love.

I’m sorry, dear blog, that you’ve slipped down my agenda.  I promise I’ll try to make it a short and passing phase.   You’re still a part of me.  Always.

It’s been a while, eh? Sorry about that.

Writing has been done. Photos have been taken. Time has been spent. Songs have been sung. Hearts have been searched. Poetry has been read.

Here’s a few photos I’ve taken…

Danny Goffey from Supergrass in the 6 Music Hub

My brother and niece, Easter Monday

Our band knocking out 20th Century Boy and the office party

Ed O’Brien of Radiohead at the BBC Radio Theatre

And there’s LOADS more where they came from. Click on any image to go through to the set on Flickr. I’m really chuffed because some of my Radiohead and Supergrass shots have been used on the official BBC sites! Hoorah!

I’ll leave you, promising to come back sooner than last time with a poem by e.e.cummings. It’s sums up most of my mornings.

it is at moments after i have dreamed
it is at moments after i have dreamed
of the rare entertainment of your eyes,
when (being fool to fancy) i have deemed

with your peculiar mouth my heart made wise;
at moments when the glassy darkness holds

the genuine apparition of your smile
(it was through tears always)and silence moulds
such strangeness as was mine a little while;

moments when my once more illustrious arms
are filled with fascination, when my breast
wears the intolerant brightness of your charms:

one pierced moment whiter than the rest

-turning from the tremendous lie of sleep
i watch the roses of the day grow deep.