The Arrival Of Tears
The crying part of leaving has started.
To be honest I’m surprised that it took this long to really kick in, but it’s now here in full effect and I don’t think it’s in any danger of going away for these last 17 days.
As I say, though, it took a while to come. There’s been a few goodbyes at work with people going on holiday and missing my final days, and on Friday I took the opportunity of a quiet moment to clear out my desk. Not a tear shed.
Saturday afternoon I also said goodbye to one of the show teams I’ve been working with for the last couple of years, and nary shed a drop. On Saturday night my two best friends from university came to stay. We went out for dinner and then danced into the wee-small hours, followed by a chilled morning of brunch and watching (bizarrely) High School Musical. When they said goodbye there was a sniff and a small tear, but nothing major…
Then last night at dinner mum finally crumbled. Having prided herself on keeping it all in for months, she was cross at being the first one to crack, but crack she did and she took me with her.
With the tears have come some real revelations. I know that in trying not to be in a state of grief for the entire last three months I’ve actively suppressed any big ‘leaving’ feelings for a long time. Just last week I described feeling somewhat numb – like I’d stepped into the boat along time ago and was now simply along for the ride – but now every sinew has woken up and joined the chorus – I’m really really going to miss my family.
This is something I’ve had to explain to mum. I’m not choosing to leave them – I’d take them all with me if I could – but in the same way as mum knows she can’t choose my life, I can’t choose theirs. I see that life is easier if your family is near – particularly for those with children. I see what I’m going to miss living apart from them, and not even a long drive away, an ocean away. It’s a big big thing.
Thinking of you at this time…though I get to be one of the ones looking forward to having you closer. Words all just seem kinda cheesy – so just want to let you know I know the feeling. l heart you!
Amen sistah! I feel your pain! But you will be forever the golden child- never around long enough to get on anyone’s nerves and always remembered as just a little better than you really are! It does take a while to start enjoying that one little upside though.
I’m thinking about you and wishing I was going to be at Greenbelt. Ironically I will be in Belfast! Going over on Wednesday for a big family reunion and I fly out on Monday 25th! SO near and yet so far away.
HUGS HUGS HUGS
take the photographs and still portraits of your mind…..i hope you had the time of your life…..
Gb will be a tear fest!
Nashville? Holy moly! I hope it’s everything you want it to be. I’ve never been there but I’m not a big Country fan. But it’s Graceland for country fans.
Good luck!
I remember before I went to Australia being in a constant state of shock and worring if I was doing the right thing. However it was the best year of my life and as close as I am to my family I was nothing like as homesick as I thought I would be. I didn’t even miss them all that much as spoke to them regularly (your timezones will probably be more compatible too) and your loved ones are always with you in spirit.
it’s true too – you gotta do what you gotta do and you always regret more what you don’t do than what you do. i keep reminding myself of this as am about to leave London (& in complete contrast to you) and my boyfriend to go live in the south west. although it’s only a couple hundred miles not thousands it’s still a big step but we have to take them from time to time
nx
if it helps – i cried when i was leaving to move here and once in a while i still do – don’t tell anyone of course!!
Judith- your Dad has just phoned and told me your exciting news. Tears can be good- they show commitment to the decision and help your heart & soul understand the enormity of the task. Let the worry (tears) flow now and your journey in Nashville will be a happy, contented one- especially if your *** is as great as your dad says!
Wishing you happiness all the way…
LouiseX
You are all wonderful!
Thanks so much for your fabulous encouragement… and Great to see you here Louise!
xx
Just thinking ’bout ye. As one of those who benefits (exists!) on the basis of transcontinental sacrifice, know there are lots of open arms on this side of the Atlantic (though I hope we spend many a Greenbelt together).
although there is not an ocean between, i can relate to the huge step you are taking. it is hard to be far from family, even harder because you want them to be experiencing all that you are, hand in hand, right there with you!
That said, it is good to be out in the world, independently soaking it all in!
cheers to big moves and even bigger changes!
xoxo
Jude…we have many GB friends in common but haven’t met properly…but I wanted to send you love and good wishes for the big move. Sat in Last Orders on Monday night in an emotional heap when you told us that your favourite bit of Greenbelt was…Greenbelt really. Your description was spot on, and what I love about it…we’ll all be here and there are so many people thinking of you and praying this will be a happy and exciting move. See you next August
I only know you from your blog, but wish you a brilliant time away, a most wonderful adventure
Katie
Thanks to all of you for your lovely words – new and old friends alike!